Thursday, August 30, 2007

Renaissance Fairs... Slated to Get WAY More Fabulous


From my libelous remarks regarding the nubile and no-doubt-to-one-day-be-knighted Sir Daniel you might come to the conclusion that I might have a homophobic streak. I assure you nothing could be further from the truth. The planet and its many human societies are far better off with gays around than without them. Having lived around my city's fashionable gay village for years there is no question their diversity adds value, property and otherwise. A few most excellent friends have long ago proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are in fact far better off being gay then anything else. I fully endorse their lamentable quest for equality and it is in that spirit of equality that I mock them with all the puerile, public school humour I possess. Once you come to love and respect gay people and their culture, you also come to realise that they can be pretty hilarious. Perhaps this is because like most confident and enlightened groups they seem to have little difficulty in laughing at themselves. Please note that my feelings only extend to homosexual men, I still maintain that lesbians are formed from vermin and witchcraft. Bisexuals are simply needy, end of story.
.
My views are certainly not enlightened. In fact you might say that I'm downright medieval.
.
.
A historian has discovered that same-sex civil unions occurred in Europe over 600 years ago. They were legally binding, officially recognized, and provided property rights and protections. The historian doesn't go so far as to say that these were gay-only affairs, but if two men wanted to live together in 'brotherhood' then the law gave them an avenue - really though if it looketh like a duck and floateth like duck... My point is ducks are gay, there is virtually no difference between a waddle and a sashay.
.
Oh how far our modern western civilization has fallen! Canada has inched along only recently and America? Ass-backwards on this subject and losing ground. Still it makes for juicy print.
.
.
Senator (R) Larry Craig of Idaho (huh?) plead guilty for sexually soliciting an undercover police officer in an airport men's washroom. Classy! His hidden homosexuality was apparently a poorly kept secret as his hometown newspaper investigated the matter and had enough ammo to expose him. Once his conviction hit the light of day the Senator hotly denied both his faggotry and culpability, stating that he plead guilty just to pay the fine and make the case go away.
.
Hmm... A funny thing and you can take this from me; when it comes time to plead guilty or innocent in a court case you have already sworn an oath to tell the truth. Admitting to a crime that you did not commit before a judge is perjury. I wonder if anyone is going to bother pointing that out?
.
Probably not his peers, Republicans have no problem with liars these days, you just can't get caught being gay. You know, I really feel sorry for these older Republican politicians. In the span of a decade they had the rug pulled out from under them. Up until the Reagan years they were all about small government, big business, and strong military. All of the faith-based issues like abortion and where people should be putting their dicks have railroaded them and you can watch guys like Presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani stumble and fumble. They built a career taking the moderate route on these issues in order to woo the center but now they're forced to flip-flop in order to maintain the holy-roller base that Carl Rove mobilized. Thanks a lot, Turd Blossom! That's why these old G.O.P.ers in Washington hated the guy. He turned them into dinosaurs, he took the party that once belonged to rich people and handed it over to the working class religious nuts preparing for The Rapture.
.
Out of this transition a really sad hypocrisy is born. Ass-Cowboys like Larry Craig or Mark Foley or the good pastor and Presidential advisor Ted Haggard have to choose between dream careers and their heart's desire. It's only natural that they delude themselves into thinking they can have both and wind up disgraced in the process.
.
This is the result of a dysfunctional democracy, which must always reflect the Will Of The People or else you get legal chimera like the same-sex union/marriage issue. The majority of citizens don't want Constitutional amendments in this regard because society in its wisdom has realized that a portion of their number is gay, has always been gay, and is not going away. If your laws don't reflect that then you are living in a domestic policy dream-world. The final result of putting ideology before reality is there will always be people who both achieve public office AND are gayer than a pink cowboy hat. They will have to hide it, they will get caught, and it will reflect poorly on the party.
.
The Republicans are getting almost continuously burned these days by the unrealistic sex laws they are trying to champion. That's what's great about democracy; since it's all based on votes you ultimately get the government you deserve.
.
UPDATE: I am compelled to add this, it's the transcript of the police interview after the good senator was busted. It's beyond awkward but the officers disappointment is almost heartwrenching
.

1 comment:

David said...

Very fabulous. Here's a dramatic first hand account of the Craig bathroom incident: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5oU1l7mbTuQ