Showing posts with label China. Show all posts
Showing posts with label China. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Don't mind my husband, the shriners are taking him to the zoo... The cage over his face prevents his tongue from touching anything...

Gentle reader I give you Big Dog! Not me actually, it's Boston Dynamic that's developing it for the Pentagon. Had I constructed this robot the rather dull sounding name would have of course been upgraded to Panzer Stomper IV or perhaps I just would have gone with Neo-Proto-Deathbot because let’s face it; the doom of our species probably lay somewhere within that hollow metal frame.

We can’t program evil yet but its coming. If we can make cheese evil with the advent of Kraft Velveeta (tm) then anything is possible! Computer and robotic circuitry is inherently malignant by virtue of geometry, much like the hives of insects.

Big Dog currently walks, can ascend angles, and carry considerable loads for our convenience. Thanks to Mike J. for this Youtube demonstration.

What walks down stairs and feeds off your tears and is the sound of despair…

Let’s get real for a minute. Putting a rucksack on Big Dog is a form of clever propaganda. Take it from me; I’m on the Internet and therefore know all about these things. You see, the army will always require a soldier to carry his own gear; it builds character and hatred. An infantryman who doesn’t carry his own pack is called a sailor in most Christian nations. They have Big Dog acting in a subservient role so that the beast appeals to our sense of laziness and entitlement. We want one so that it will carry our crap. On the other hand it doesn’t have a head meaning it will never know joy or happiness. It will therefore kill us without remorse because we have cursed it with a hellish existence.

We’re going to see what Big Dog is really capable of once it starts terrorizing Will Smith through his suburban home a la Velociraptor in his next summer blockbuster. After that we’ll hear of them being dropped out of the sky into some defiant, oil-rich, fundamentalist fiefdom. Then they’ll be prowling our very own streets after Leaf games and we’re going to have to look into their soulless television screen faces for retinal scans in order to prove our identity. Man’s best friend indeed!

Meanwhile in the Indian province of Uttar Pradesh, a baby girl born with two faces is being worshipped as a reincarnated god. Reincarnated into what? We humans, we’re just all over the place, eh? If we’re not deciding to sit on a toilet for two solid years so that our skin becomes stuck to the seat then we’re preparing to sell the most expensive champagne in the world at $6,485.00 US a bottle. It’s been a heck of a couple weeks for news! In case you just got back from a far-away place the human race is still just spinning its wheels for its own amusement.

Violence in Tibet - Protesters clash with Chinese police in Lhasa.

This might wind up big or it will just go the way of other Chinese-squashed uprisings. The dead are nearing one hundred in Tibet and violent demonstrations are popping up in India, Barcelona, and other sympathetic nations. The poor Dalai Lama has really been bent over a barrel on this one, when I’m 72 I hope my life is going easier than his. One day he’s slamming the Chinese over waging cultural genocide. The next he’s threatening to resign as head of Tibet’s government-in-exile if his people don’t simmer down. Of course he's not there - couldn't be in Tibet if he wanted to. Asking people getting hit with batons and teargas to show restraint is like me admonishing British football hooligans, telling them "relax man, it's just a game."

Don’t expect the Chinese people to pursue peace on this; they support the hard stance.

We’re seriously living in a time of moral disconnect but this isn’t surprising because when hundreds of millions of people believe the same thing it has the power to alter our reality. By rights China has earned the reputation worthy of Myanmar, North Korea, and Iran for its human rights abuses, both pre-emptive and reactionary. They’re fast becoming rich however so not only does the world at large turn a blind eye but they get the Olympics. I expect these kinds of incidences to increase through the spring and summer up to the games. It’s going to be real interesting to see how that turns out.

Admiral William ‘Fox’ Fallon: ‘Retired’ between now and the publication of this article.

This is a great article from Esquire Magazine that features Admiral Fallon; a lifetime military man who headed Pacific Command and Central Command, which includes the Middle East region of the earth. I defy you to read this article and not wind up somewhat in awe of the man. In his youth he was a fighter pilot landing on aircraft carriers. Towards the end of his career he was brokering peace and communication through economic expansion in some of the most benighted places on earth. Admiral Fallon was the one man standing up to the Bush Administration and their thirst for war with Iran. Perhaps this article was the final straw of pressure that either forced him out or caused him to throw it in. Either way it writes up as a grievous loss in my opinion.

The arrogance of Bush and his cronies never ceases to amaze. Consider if you had a man of Fallon’s ability and experience who was duty-bound to serve and council you, would you not take a man such as this in the most serious of stead? If a guy like Admiral Fallon had a different opinion than you in the matters of war and foreign policy would you not at least second guess your own outcomes and motives? Even if you didn’t agree with him on everything, would you make life so untenable that the good Admiral would leave? It is fucking crazy how drunk on their own ignorance these neo-cons are, scary too.

Keith Olbermann points the Integrity Cannon away from President Bush for a change.

If you like reading/watching Keith’s Special Comments from his Countdown news program then this is a good one. It started with Clinton financial fundraiser Geraldine Ferraro saying that Barack Obama wouldn’t be where he is today if he wasn’t black. Nice. Clinton called the remarks regrettable but didn’t denounce or fire the woman for her racist remarks. (She left on her own volition after the public at large labelled her a dried-out old bigot.) This kind of skulduggery paves the way for Keith to hit the Hil-Dog (not a bad robot name) with a double barrelled blast of righteous outrage and sound reasoning. It’s all worth your time.

The next slum might very well be those god-awful, cookie-cutter suburbs…

I found this article very interesting. It goes over the trend of populations moving back into the cities after fleeing from the core in the 60’s and 70’s. With the suburbs starting to empty out of working class people you can naturally expect the gangs and drug trade to move in. We already know that marijuana and artificial narcotics owe their life to those sprawling anonymous neighbourhoods, soon prostitution and other illicit forms of finance might make the move as well. More than ever our city developers need to plan properly; to make sustainable, mixed-use communities that won’t fall out of fashion in a few decades time.

New war deserters find support from old war deserters…

Anytime Toronto makes it into one of the big American papers I’m compelled to put it up here. This article goes over the draft-dodging sub-culture that began back in the Viet Nam era and is getting a small revival from those who challenge the Iraq War. What a shame that this depressing predicament has become a cyclical thing!

I sh00tz t3h magik bult wit my BRAINZORZ!!!1

By using existing medical technology (EEC, ECG, etc.) this company can make retarded looking headgear that allows you to play video games with various impulses. You know, what passes for your mind. While cool in theory that’s all this toy will be unless the big game makers get behind the technology, which historically has been a tricky thing when it comes to emergent gadgetry. Getting a crummy Harry Potter game on board is one thing, Call of Duty 4 is another matter entirely. I don’t know dudes. On one hand it’s more like Virtual Reality which is really keen. On the other hand how I am going to slip that thing on in the living room and have my wife retain what little attraction she still has for me? I'm going to look like I'm waiting for my day trip on the short bus.

Then again if I touch Hermione Granger with only my brain am I breaking any laws? Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Friday, October 19, 2007

I'm the fat man at the Buffet Table of World Events...

The previous rant was supposed to be my usual attempt to segue into a variety of somewhat relevant news items but in the end I didn’t bother to land the plane. I’m rather surprised that it wound up being one of my longest posts and that I had twenty times as much to say on the issue than President Bush said himself. At the end of it I was all spent and satisfied but then remembered I had a dozen news links that I originally intended to put in. I’m like that guy who buys four pornos anticipating a musky night of sexual self-exploration only to blow myself empty watching the previews. I see that porno guy a lot, every time I go to the porno shop in fact. (Editors note: He’s looking into a mirror.)

So I’m going to throw up some more links and I have to tell you it’s been a very eventful week in the world. Babies have been born, autumnal corn is all but harvested, somewhere the gentle rain soothes the brow of a weary man who has learned to love himself and in doing so, love the world… But I know you check up on me for all the bat-shit insane crazy stuff, to remind you that we are going straight to hell. So let’s go!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/19/world/asia/19pakistan.html?th&emc=th

Okay this is fucking horrific. Massive twin explosions turned Benazir Bhutto’s triumphant return to Pakistan after eight years of exile into a tragedy. The explosions spared the obviously-targeted former Prime Minister but killed a whopping 134 people at the time of writing and wounded around 400! If I had known that Pakistanis were so bloody hardcore I would have made way less fun of them back in public school. Do you think Pakistan’s covert agency (the I.S.I.) was behind it? Bhutto’s husband seems to think so. It seems a by-gone conclusion that Bhutto will sweep the upcoming elections and do everything in her power to turn Pakistan once again into a democracy. President - slash - General Pervez Musharraf stands to lose a lot of power and authority if the country changes direction so the motive is certainly there. All in all this was a truly epic event. Check the slideshow in the article, the pictures are something else.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/17/AR2007101700967.html?wpisrc=newsletter

The Turkish government authorized its military to move into Iraq and deal with Kurdish separatists who have been targeting their soldiers and civilians. Really they had no choice; something strong had to be done in order to save face. Consider that last summer Israel had just two soldiers kidnapped and they replied by killing around 1,000 Lebanese. The Kurds stoned one of their own kind - a young girl no less - just for getting engaged to a Sunni, and how did the Sunnis respond? They killed around 500 people with truck bombs just for disrespecting them like that. Turkey has lost something like 31 people in the last two weeks including 13 servicemen. They have to come back hard or look weak. The Turks have crossed into northern Iraq many times in the past but never while the U.S. was minding the store. The military’s authorization will last for a full year so they might take their time on enacting their payback.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/washington/14weapons.html?th&emc=th

It appears that Israel’s target in the Syrian strike was indeed a nuclear plant being constructed. I’ve heard from other sources that the Syrians have abandoned the construction site and that North Korean consultants were killed in the attack. Contrary to the Iran situation I can’t blame Israel for striking a clandestine nuclear project that the I.A.E.A. knew nothing about.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/world/asia/14china.html?th&emc=th

In environmental news China has a lake that’s green and gross. There was a guy saying “Excuse me, but our lakes are becoming green and gross,” so they tossed him in jail. This is why I think China’s new rise to power is a paper dragon. The people who are passionate about sustainability and preventing long-term disaster are silenced so in the end every possible bad thing that can happen to them, will happen to them.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/7203633/the_long_emergency

Here’s what might happen to us though. This is a projection of what our lives might be reduced to with the disappearance of cheap oil. It’s very compelling but extremely bleak as well. Black gold hit 90 dollars a barrel today. I’ve already started wringing my hair out for fuel.

http://washingtontimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071017/FOREIGN/110170057/1003

This is just a quick update on the Iraq/Blackwater incident. C.E.O. Erik Price said that he will not allow his mercenaries to be tried in Iraqi courts. Remember that Iraq is supposed to be a sovereign nation and this fucker is nothing but a greasy businessman. He says that Iraq lacks the capability to provide fair courts but I think that might have something to do with the fact that Blackwater has ensured Iraq remain lawless by constantly barreling down the streets shooting and killing civilians. It’s sickening how these war-profiteers never realise that they are part of the problem.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/15/AR2007101500841.html

Similar in tone to the soldiers writing about the Iraq War, here is another one penned by a large number of officers. Again compare their thoughts with those of General Petraeus.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/17/world/middleeast/17iran.html?th&emc=th

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/17/AR2007101702241.html?wpisrc=newsletter

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/18/AR2007101802456.html?wpisrc=newsletter

Finally I have a trio of articles on Russian President Vladimir Putin. This guy, he’s fucking golden. Sure he’s a shadowy, former K.G.B. autocratic with blood on his hands but you can’t help but admire how FUCKING EFFECTIVE he is. This man hasn’t made a misstep in years. His detractors are winding up dead all over the world, one of them by nuclear-frikken-poison! He seized Russia’s oil interests from the oligarchs at the perfect time to fill the nation’s coffers. He bitch slaps Condoleeza Rice anytime he feels like it because the poor half-orc just can’t keep up – the last time was to derail U.S. backed missile defense programs in Europe. Now he’s siding with Iran and is telling the U.S. they should back off. Best of all however is he adopted Franklin Delano Roosevelt of all people as an ideological role model. Brilliant! Beloved President Roosevelt served beyond his two terms you see, and America at the time endorsed it. Putin looks to do the same thing. Talk is that he will become Prime Minister and control the country from there, sighting his love for an American hero while doing it. I’m getting both misty and moist! Bush was so wrong on this guy. Way back he claimed to “look him in the eye” and see his soul and all that bullshit. Now he’s claiming that democracy might not be in “Russian’s D.N.A.” which not only sounds ridiculous but is contrary to his previous talking point that people the world over crave democracy and that America is the tube of Pringles that is sure to satisfy.

Friday, October 12, 2007

When I get that feeling... I want... Sexual Salami...

It’s been like ten days since I put up a post! Where does the time go? Well, since this is my blog why don’t I tell you! For six days I was off work in a kind of stay-at-home vacation except home is not a holiday; it’s an over-emotional child-tending boot-camp where you literally have to steal free time in the dark of night. I cooked a Thanksgiving turkey with stuffing and gravy for the very first time and I have to say that it was mother-fucking delicious. I get to say that see. So long as my mother or my aunt was making the turkey they would ask “how’s the turkey” and I would have to say “oh my but it is very, very tasty” even if it was dry like an Al-Qaeda hand-job. Since I made the turkey this year I was able to sit at my own dinner table and proclaim “this buttery bird with its triple sausage stuffing is mother-fucking delicious, bitches” and the dinner guests could do nothing but look down at the table. When dinner was over I made a taco out of nothing but turkey skin and stuffing. When you cook the bird you control the bird and the possibilities are endless my friends!


I played a lot of Halo 3 at night with my time off and I must say I’m handling myself not too badly. For a while I was getting fragged on the steady but then I started to pick it up. My Skill Level kept rising as I came in third or second in matches and I even won a couple. I recorded one match in its entirety and the game allows you to view it from any angle with a flying camera. I am quick to force my friends to sit down and review the epic battle complete with freeze frame and detailed explanations of everything that’s happening… Sometimes looking back on my life I wonder how I have any friends at all?

We finished watching the first season of Heroes and it really stands nicely on its own as a complete story. So far the latest three episodes of the second season are not on par. It’s moving slowly, they’re concentrating on love stories, and they have even introduced people with duplicate powers, which I think is a bit cheap. This may have something to do with one of the writers leaving only to be replaced by some douche who use to write for the O.C. On the other hand there is this Latina chick that runs around in a sweaty tank top and bleeds deadly black shit from her eyes. Even better she’s always remorseful and afraid, sobbing and mumbling religious nonsense. So nice that would be. No wonder I had this dream where I come home from work carrying this huge, spicy salami over my shoulder and the little lady pictured above was helpless and frantic, trapped with her head stuck in the sewer grate found in my living room. The rest of the fantasy kind of writes itself.

Anyway before this blog gets flagged and my chances with the lovely Dania Ramirez get completely shot to hell let’s look at the news…

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/world/europe/12turkey.html?th&emc=th

Normally I would applaud anyone taking unreasonable and pointless pot-shots at the Turkish if only for my amusement but I cannot figure out what congress hopes to gain by condemning the genocide of Armenians way back in 1915. Is there not a perfectly awesome and far more relevant genocide going on in Darfur right now? The digitally perfect pictures of hacked up African bodies are far more interesting then any surviving sepia-toned tragedy shots the Armenian nonagenarians can cough up. The sperm that would become House Speaker Nancy Pelosi still resided in a hairless ball sac back then so why should she bother weighing in on it now?

http://www.juancole.com/2007/10/who-lost-turkey.html

Juan Cole from the Global Americana Institute knows more about this issue than anybody and even he doesn’t have all the answers. Still this is a great read too. Thanks to Nima at Report on Positivity for passing it on. http://positivity.wordpress.com/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21163806/site/newsweek

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071008/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_blackwater_report

Blackwater is still in the news. All these crazy stories are coming out adding fuel to the fire. Apparently when their SUV had a fender bender with an Army Humvee the mercenaries pulled their gun and held up the soldiers! If I was an officer I would have lit them up right then and there. Nobody should punk the army. The Iraqi Government wants them completely out of country in six months. Yeah, good luck with that. They’ll be gone just like you suspended their license… Pussies.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/07/AR2007100701448.html

Reconciliation amongst Iraq’s various factions is off the table. Now they just want to focus on securing voter confidence and ensconcing themselves in their positions. The Iraqi power structure, laughable as it is, is all set to play the waiting game now. They’re digging in until the U.S. finally leaves and then they’re going to wipe out their rivals.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/world/middleeast/12mahdi.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

The poor performance of the Green Zone is being reflected in the streets. Now that most of Iraq is pretty well segregated the militias who once made a living off the corpses of their enemies are running low on cash. They seem to have started turning on their own kind for pocket change and practice. Typical.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/06/AR2007100601521.html?wpisrc=newsletter

If you want to read about more Bush rats abandoning the sinking ship then here you go. I love that these people ‘never look back’ and are ‘always looking forward.’ I would love to grab them by the neck and force them to look back. They would involuntarily close their eyes but I would threaten them to look at what they’ve done or I would cut their eyelids off, just as my new hero Dexter taught me to. Then they would scream and I would sniff up their pungent, nourishing despair.

http://dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2007/09/18/story_18-9-2007_pg9_15

Finally thanks to Dave for sending me this. These Chinese, so funny. Why do they taunt the River Dragon with their succulent four year olds? Don't they know this kind of mockery will bring about flood and inauspicious harvest?