Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Don't mind my husband, the shriners are taking him to the zoo... The cage over his face prevents his tongue from touching anything...

Gentle reader I give you Big Dog! Not me actually, it's Boston Dynamic that's developing it for the Pentagon. Had I constructed this robot the rather dull sounding name would have of course been upgraded to Panzer Stomper IV or perhaps I just would have gone with Neo-Proto-Deathbot because let’s face it; the doom of our species probably lay somewhere within that hollow metal frame.

We can’t program evil yet but its coming. If we can make cheese evil with the advent of Kraft Velveeta (tm) then anything is possible! Computer and robotic circuitry is inherently malignant by virtue of geometry, much like the hives of insects.

Big Dog currently walks, can ascend angles, and carry considerable loads for our convenience. Thanks to Mike J. for this Youtube demonstration.

What walks down stairs and feeds off your tears and is the sound of despair…

Let’s get real for a minute. Putting a rucksack on Big Dog is a form of clever propaganda. Take it from me; I’m on the Internet and therefore know all about these things. You see, the army will always require a soldier to carry his own gear; it builds character and hatred. An infantryman who doesn’t carry his own pack is called a sailor in most Christian nations. They have Big Dog acting in a subservient role so that the beast appeals to our sense of laziness and entitlement. We want one so that it will carry our crap. On the other hand it doesn’t have a head meaning it will never know joy or happiness. It will therefore kill us without remorse because we have cursed it with a hellish existence.

We’re going to see what Big Dog is really capable of once it starts terrorizing Will Smith through his suburban home a la Velociraptor in his next summer blockbuster. After that we’ll hear of them being dropped out of the sky into some defiant, oil-rich, fundamentalist fiefdom. Then they’ll be prowling our very own streets after Leaf games and we’re going to have to look into their soulless television screen faces for retinal scans in order to prove our identity. Man’s best friend indeed!

Meanwhile in the Indian province of Uttar Pradesh, a baby girl born with two faces is being worshipped as a reincarnated god. Reincarnated into what? We humans, we’re just all over the place, eh? If we’re not deciding to sit on a toilet for two solid years so that our skin becomes stuck to the seat then we’re preparing to sell the most expensive champagne in the world at $6,485.00 US a bottle. It’s been a heck of a couple weeks for news! In case you just got back from a far-away place the human race is still just spinning its wheels for its own amusement.

Violence in Tibet - Protesters clash with Chinese police in Lhasa.

This might wind up big or it will just go the way of other Chinese-squashed uprisings. The dead are nearing one hundred in Tibet and violent demonstrations are popping up in India, Barcelona, and other sympathetic nations. The poor Dalai Lama has really been bent over a barrel on this one, when I’m 72 I hope my life is going easier than his. One day he’s slamming the Chinese over waging cultural genocide. The next he’s threatening to resign as head of Tibet’s government-in-exile if his people don’t simmer down. Of course he's not there - couldn't be in Tibet if he wanted to. Asking people getting hit with batons and teargas to show restraint is like me admonishing British football hooligans, telling them "relax man, it's just a game."

Don’t expect the Chinese people to pursue peace on this; they support the hard stance.

We’re seriously living in a time of moral disconnect but this isn’t surprising because when hundreds of millions of people believe the same thing it has the power to alter our reality. By rights China has earned the reputation worthy of Myanmar, North Korea, and Iran for its human rights abuses, both pre-emptive and reactionary. They’re fast becoming rich however so not only does the world at large turn a blind eye but they get the Olympics. I expect these kinds of incidences to increase through the spring and summer up to the games. It’s going to be real interesting to see how that turns out.

Admiral William ‘Fox’ Fallon: ‘Retired’ between now and the publication of this article.

This is a great article from Esquire Magazine that features Admiral Fallon; a lifetime military man who headed Pacific Command and Central Command, which includes the Middle East region of the earth. I defy you to read this article and not wind up somewhat in awe of the man. In his youth he was a fighter pilot landing on aircraft carriers. Towards the end of his career he was brokering peace and communication through economic expansion in some of the most benighted places on earth. Admiral Fallon was the one man standing up to the Bush Administration and their thirst for war with Iran. Perhaps this article was the final straw of pressure that either forced him out or caused him to throw it in. Either way it writes up as a grievous loss in my opinion.

The arrogance of Bush and his cronies never ceases to amaze. Consider if you had a man of Fallon’s ability and experience who was duty-bound to serve and council you, would you not take a man such as this in the most serious of stead? If a guy like Admiral Fallon had a different opinion than you in the matters of war and foreign policy would you not at least second guess your own outcomes and motives? Even if you didn’t agree with him on everything, would you make life so untenable that the good Admiral would leave? It is fucking crazy how drunk on their own ignorance these neo-cons are, scary too.

Keith Olbermann points the Integrity Cannon away from President Bush for a change.

If you like reading/watching Keith’s Special Comments from his Countdown news program then this is a good one. It started with Clinton financial fundraiser Geraldine Ferraro saying that Barack Obama wouldn’t be where he is today if he wasn’t black. Nice. Clinton called the remarks regrettable but didn’t denounce or fire the woman for her racist remarks. (She left on her own volition after the public at large labelled her a dried-out old bigot.) This kind of skulduggery paves the way for Keith to hit the Hil-Dog (not a bad robot name) with a double barrelled blast of righteous outrage and sound reasoning. It’s all worth your time.

The next slum might very well be those god-awful, cookie-cutter suburbs…

I found this article very interesting. It goes over the trend of populations moving back into the cities after fleeing from the core in the 60’s and 70’s. With the suburbs starting to empty out of working class people you can naturally expect the gangs and drug trade to move in. We already know that marijuana and artificial narcotics owe their life to those sprawling anonymous neighbourhoods, soon prostitution and other illicit forms of finance might make the move as well. More than ever our city developers need to plan properly; to make sustainable, mixed-use communities that won’t fall out of fashion in a few decades time.

New war deserters find support from old war deserters…

Anytime Toronto makes it into one of the big American papers I’m compelled to put it up here. This article goes over the draft-dodging sub-culture that began back in the Viet Nam era and is getting a small revival from those who challenge the Iraq War. What a shame that this depressing predicament has become a cyclical thing!

I sh00tz t3h magik bult wit my BRAINZORZ!!!1

By using existing medical technology (EEC, ECG, etc.) this company can make retarded looking headgear that allows you to play video games with various impulses. You know, what passes for your mind. While cool in theory that’s all this toy will be unless the big game makers get behind the technology, which historically has been a tricky thing when it comes to emergent gadgetry. Getting a crummy Harry Potter game on board is one thing, Call of Duty 4 is another matter entirely. I don’t know dudes. On one hand it’s more like Virtual Reality which is really keen. On the other hand how I am going to slip that thing on in the living room and have my wife retain what little attraction she still has for me? I'm going to look like I'm waiting for my day trip on the short bus.

Then again if I touch Hermione Granger with only my brain am I breaking any laws? Decisions, decisions, decisions…

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